Thursday, November 14, 2013

finding joy in the deepest of sorrows.....

countless times i have started this post in my head just to close my eyes and walk away from the computer.  some things in life are just too hard.  writing about the sudden and tragic death of my sweet 3 1/2 year old nephew is one of those things.  not just "one of"  but "THE" hardest ever in my life thus far.

he went safely into the arms of Jesus on Monday, September 16 after a valiant fight for his little life following a near drowning.

pleading to God, praying without ceasing, crying, and groaning all ensued throughout the time i found out about his accident to the time he went to be with Jesus.  such deep deep sorrow.


yet we have hope.  i am going to share a video and some of the many Bible passages that we shared among friends and family.  there is the greatest joy (knowing that ry is with Jesus) mixed with the very deepest of sorrow (that he is actually gone from this earth).  it is the joy that makes others wonder, "how can you move forward?" "how can you have happy laughing moments anymore?" 

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.” Ecclesiastes 3:11

God IS good.  He is the creator of all life and if we have no hope then life is meaningless.  end of discussion.  BUT.....when there IS hope, NOTHING is meaningless..... please watch the following video:



and the story behind the song:



we are closing in almost 2 months since he went to be with Jesus forever.  Life is different.  It just is and it always will be.

I'm not very eloquent with words yet I have so many I want to pour out.

Psalm 91 is a chapter that I prayed fervently during the days ry was in the hospital.  It is a prayer of protection and hope.

Super smiley.  So very tender.  His ears and his voice.  Gentle with babies.  Silly little giggle.


" I hold it true, whate'er befall;
I feel it, when I sorrow most;'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." ~Alfred Lord Tennyson~


loss is hard.  this is hard.  we were never promised that we would never endure hardship.  oh Lord, my God, when I pray to You, I believe and know that You are the giver of life.  You created Ry and perfectly placed him with his dad and mom and siblings.  I am so thankful for his life, that I loved him.   So very thankful for each of my children, all my nieces and nephews and family.  God, you are my refuge and my fortress, my God in who I trust.

ry man, i'm so very thankful for the certainty we have in knowing you are with Jesus.  smiling and being loved on in such a tremendous way.  i love you.

50 comments:

  1. I don't know if I've ever commented, Sara, but I wanted to express my condolences. I can't imagine the pain your family is experiencing. Prayers for all.

    This was a beautiful post. I'm sure heaven is a bit brighter with Ry's beautiful smile!
    May God bless all of you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you so much lori. heaven sure IS brighter! :)

      Delete
  2. Been waiting and checking so frequently to hear your "voice." Such eloquently written words of Hope. Thank you... And may The Lord bless you with sweet mercies and tender moments as you walk this desperate path where we so greatly need His healing and Heavenly promises. Much love to you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you so much. God is mighty that is for sure!

      Delete
  3. Oh Sara. I am so sorry. I have never commented on here but tonight, I have to. I haven't visited your blog in a while and the first time I come back to check in, I see that you just posted this about 30 minutes before. I had the privilege of hearing Shane & Shane and Lauren Chandler sing this live on the year anniversary of losing my sister-in-law to cancer. What a blessing it was to me and hope it continues to bless you. Last week a friend of mine lost a baby at 8 months gestation. This was a sweet reminder of the goodness of our God in the midst of a hard time. You're right, we aren't promised that it will always be easy, as we've seen, but I'm encouraged by your hope and share in it with you! Praying for you guys and praying that you are always mindful of God's goodness even when it's hard, remembering that He also knows what it's like to lose a child. If you haven't heard Desert Song by Natalie Grant, I recommend that too.

    "For the lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd; he will lead them to springs of living water and God will wipe away every tear from their eyes." Rev. 7:17

    "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord." Isaiah 55:8

    "Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name; make known among the nations what He has done. Sing to Him, sing praise to Him; tell of His wonderful acts. Glory in His holy name; let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice. Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always. Remember the wonders He has done, His miracles, and the judgements he pronounced, O descendants of Abraham his servant. O sons fo Jacob, His chosen ones." Psalm 105:1-6

    "Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." 1 Thess 5:16-18

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. thank you so much for taking the time to share verses and your heart.

      Delete
  4. sadly, our family knows firsthand what you are all going through as we lost my 23 year old son on august 27th. my thoughts and prayers are with your family.
    chris

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. oh chris.... i am so very deeply sorry. i wish i could reach through the computer and give you a hug. i will be praying for you too....

      Delete
  5. Sara,

    Thank you for living this out in front of us. I am deeply touched by your authenticity and transparency in this post. Praying for you and your sweet family.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I stopped on the treadmill and prayed for his parents and grandparents and aunts, uncles, cousins, friends of the family and anyone else sharing in the grief or guilt of losing sweet Ry. There are no words but I pray Jesus will give you all a peace that passes our understanding. I also pray that every day you all can put one foot in front of the other and thank Him for all things. Sadly, from someone who has felt grief. Loving you all from afar. Nonny

    ReplyDelete
  7. I was listening to a bible message about Psalms when I clicked open your post. Praying for you with their words , that the Lord Jesus would be your "comfort in pain, consolation and encouragement" these days.

    ReplyDelete
  8. So sorry for your loss!! May our Lord give you and your family all you need in the days and weeks to come. Thankful for the promice given to Gods children and knowing he is with the Lord! Praise God from whom all blessing flow!!
    And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. Then He who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." And He said to me, "Write, for these words are true and faithful

    ReplyDelete
  9. So sorry for your loss! Knowing Gods promise for all believers we can be comforted knowing he is with the Lord and the most wonderful place. Praying for you all that our Lord gives you comfort and peace.

    And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away. Then He who sat on the throne said, "Behold, I make all things new." And He said to me, "Write, for these words are true and faithful

    ReplyDelete
  10. I can't remember the last time I commented, but I wanted to be sure you know that you are going to never be the same, but you will come out with more depth of your belief in God through this. Unfortunately there are way too many of us who know and have felt pain like yours --all of our stories are different, but all of our hearts are the same.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I prayed hard numerous times daily. I shared his picture and encouraged other to please pray. When I saw on fb of the news that he had went with Jesus my heart then ached for his family and my prayers turned to them. I still pray for them. I was not yet born when my grandma lost her 3 year old son to a drowning accident. Sadly, it consumed her life. She had 3 children at the time and went on to have 4 more, but the ache and blame lurked around every corner. So pray for his parents. I am so so so grateful that they have such faith and passion for the Lord. I truly feel had my grandma had more, she would have had more better days in all the days she had left. It's an unimaginable pain, to say bye to a child. It's cruel. It feels too much like something no one should have to endure. As mother when we see another mother endure this, we feel helpless, because we just want to ease their pain. That's why I pray and will continue to for his family. I pray thanks for the faith they already have, and pray for inner peace to stay. Thank you for the lovely post. Ry will live on through memories and one day be reunited with those who love him so dearly.

    ReplyDelete
  12. My prayers are with your families. We've endured different losses over here but there is peace to be had. (love)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Praying for your family and extended family. May God's presence be made known and may He wrap His loving arms around you all.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I'm so sorry for your loss!! I can't imagine the heartache your family is enduring! Praying that you all will be comforted during this difficult time.

    ReplyDelete
  15. May God ease your pain during this great time of sorrow. Prayers for your family.

    ReplyDelete
  16. May God ease your pain during this great time of sorrow. Prayers for your family.

    ReplyDelete
  17. I was so happy to see your blog pop up on someone's sidebar and see that you had posted but now I feel sadness along with you. Not the grief your family feels but as a mother and sister-in-Christ I feel your hurt and will pray for your family. May the God of All Comfort comfort you.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Sara, I, too, don't know you but found a connection long ago b/c of so many similarities between us - large families, home schooling, faith, etc. And b/c your style is so amazing and timeless, I have loved your posts of your home and decor.

    I have come a number of times over the months and have said a few prayers hoping that nothing was wrong as I tend to jump there too quickly. At last...this post. Oh my heart! What you wrote is beautiful, thoughtful and though-provoking. Be assured of our prayers for you and your loved ones that you have the peace of Christ which surpasses all understanding.

    What a gift Ry will always be to your family. My mother died young so my younger children do not know her however, we speak of her so often and say things like, "Oh that would have made 'G-Mom' (her nickname) laugh so hard!" or "That reminds me of G-Mom!" One of my children asked one day, "I cannot remember if G-Mom is dead or alive b/c I feel like she is here so much." :-)

    My reply was that she is very much alive...more than ever b/c she is with Jesus in heaven and while that child never met her, she will one day and her G-Mom knows and loves her and is always praising Jesus and asking Him to take care of her. What a gift for your family to have Ry there and waiting.

    With that said, Of course the pain is so deep and intense. We were not meant for death or suffering as when God created us (Adam and Eve) there was no sin. Now we have suffering and death and pain and it is part of this life, but "....there will be no more pain, and no more suffering..." soon.

    Eternal rest grant until sweet Ry, oh Lord, and may eternal light shine upon him. May this faithful little soul, rest in peace!

    Prayers!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Oh Sara
    I am so very deeply sorry... I supposed something had happened, but not such a sad and tragic thing! I lost my eldest son when he was born and EVERYday I think about him and on august 17th I lost my father in a sudden and unexpected way. But I always thank God for their lifes and I am absolutely sure they are so happy with Him and taking care of ourselves. A lot of special kisses for the kid's parents. Always with you even from a far country like Spain.
    Love, kisses and lots of Faith.

    Cristina Bueno

    ReplyDelete
  20. So very sorry to read this news. Life seems to stop in so many ways when something tragic and unexpected happens. My husband's family lost both their two and half year old daughter and then suddenly, eleven years later, their seventeen year old son. It was shocking and so, so, so unfair. Loss of precious children never makes sense, especially to your heart.
    In tandem with with their faith, my in-laws also were very active in Compassionate Friends and they garnered a great deal of strength from that group . If there is a chapter where your nephew's family lives, I suggested in time that they check it out.

    Wishing you all peace which passes understanding.

    Blessings, Elizabeth

    ReplyDelete
  21. My heart breaks for your family. Knowing he is with Jesus is the only way to get through something like this. I'm not sure how unbelievers cope.

    ReplyDelete
  22. I can only imagine your pain, but you will see him again and eventually you will smile when you think of that day.

    ReplyDelete
  23. God bless you, Sara, and all your family. You now have a special precious angel watching over all the family. My heat aches for the kind of pain your family is enduring, but during these trials and suffering, God is carrying your family. Hugs and prayers always!
    Sandy

    ReplyDelete
  24. I read this post yesterday and I sobbed. The heartbreak is palpable. I've said many silent prayers for your family and the parents and siblings of this little sweet boy since then. Thank you for posting your thoughts of this darling boy.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Beautiful post, beautiful song, beautiful scriptures, & especially a beautiful little boy. So sorry for your families suffering.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Sara - Ive never commented before yet your voice has resonated with me and Ive sorely missed your posts. Ive taken such joy in your sharing of your beautiful family and ,ovely home as well as enjoyed your humility and love for God.

    My sincerest condolences to you and your entire family on the loss of your precious nephew. Our family went through the loss of a cherished, vibrant 5 yo niece going on 2 years ago come January. I have no other words except to say do just what you are doing - leaning unto His words and understanding. It isnt easy to do as Im sure you know, however Ive come to realize in feeling and not just in reading that His grace is sufficient for me and that His peace surpasses all understanding. The comfort derived from leaning on Him is unexplainable - the only thing I know is that it works.......Praying for peace and comfort for your entire family - May he rest in God's bosom. God Bless

    ReplyDelete
  27. Sara, I am so so sorry for the loss of your nephew...I will keep you and your family in my prayers. Thank you for sharing this with us so that we can lift your family up in prayer...and as a reminder that we never know when God will call us home. Blessings to you and yours. hugs, cathy

    ReplyDelete
  28. Thank you for your testimony of faith. I am so very sorry for your loss. I will keep your family in my prayers. Rest well.

    ReplyDelete
  29. so sorry for your family's loss......praying for comfort for you all

    ReplyDelete
  30. I am so sorry for your entire family's loss, I will pray. I had been reading your blog for many months while pregnant with my 5th, but I hadn't even glanced at it until this post. I had such a huge admiration for you and so many similarities...I was homeschooling, pregnant with my 5th (Sawyer), I love Jesus with all my heart....and LOVED your kitchen (which we have since copied as closely as worked for us)...but you did "it" all so well and that I admired. Sawyer went to be with Jesus last year just before his birth, a week past my due date in May 2012. There was no know cause and I can't put into words how much we miss our son, baby brother, grandson, nephew..... I stopped reading your blog at that time, all blogs really and poured out my own heart instead, as words came.... but I knew you were pregnant with your 6th and so I prayed often you wouldn't know how "this" feels, this unimaginable loss of a child. I am so sorry that your family now does....and I would guess for your nephews parents that they find themselves where I do....thankful that Jesus was thinking of me all those years ago on that cross as heaven now consumes much of my thoughts...so thankful that I have laid claim to God's free gift of salvation, so thankful this is not Home.....but so heartbroken, and every thought that passes thru my mind in a day is half on what I needed to think about and half thinking of my sweet boy. Not an hour in a day has gone by since we lost him a year and a half ago where I am not thinking of him, longing for him. I have struggled with "love is not self seeking"......I'm happy that if he can't be with me, that he is with Jesus.....but my mama heart wants him here and it aches....but I know God understands and cares and created us to feel and love deeply and ALL of my thoughts and pain is totally understood by Him, that He loves me and someday my heart will heal WHEN I get to hold my sweet boy again. We have since had our 6th, an absolute shock and sweet surprise who arrived a couple weeks before Sawyer's 1st birthday. I always wanted my kids to have their own birth month, but in this case I am so happy Sawyer shares it with his baby sissy. No child can replace another, some people don't seem to "get" that....I have been on the receiving end of some pretty hurtful comments since last May...I hope your family doesn't endure any of that...but in the event "forgive them for they know not...." is sometimes the only way to let things roll off. No one can understand another families child loss, they may be able to relate but every loss is different, as different as that sweet child was and I am so sorry for what you are all going thru...I cannot imagine it and I will pray for peace in the midst. Peace that I have now felt, that is indescribable....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This side of heaven is filled with tremendous sorrow..... I'm so sorry for the loss of your sweet, precious sawyer. Your words mean so much. Thank you for sharing some of your story, I pray that others can read it and feel hope.

      Delete
  31. Beautiful post. I'm so very sorry for your loss. I bookmarked this post so I can refer back when needed. You & your family have been in my thoughts & prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Your words are eloquent and beautiful. Such beautiful sorrow. Tennyson is right, to have Ryland only briefly was pure grace now His grace is sufficient. Continuing to pray for all those who love Ryland.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Oh Sara, I'm so sorry for your loss. Praying for you and your family during this time of grief and sorrow. Trust that the Lord will be your peace and strength!!

    ReplyDelete
  34. Sara,

    So sorry for your loss.

    I sent a copy of this post to a friend who just lost her dad in a tragic car accident -- less than a month ago.

    Thank you for taking the time to write it.

    ReplyDelete
  35. the words from your heart are beautiful....
    your love for him is evident.

    prayers continue for your whole family as you all try to learn a new normal.
    so thankful you'll be with him again one day.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Sara, I read your post a week or so ago, and bawled my eyes out. I am back today to leave you a post and let you know I have been praying for your family. May God give peace and comfort as only he can.

    Blessings

    ReplyDelete
  37. Felt compelled to check your blog tonight, and was saddened to read your post. May God continue to bring you and your family comfort as you continue on your grief journey. Love never dies. The love you had for him, and the love he had for all of you, will live on forever.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Not sure why, but I felt compelled to check your blog tonight. I was saddened to read your post. I'm so sorry for the death of your beautiful nephew. May your faith continue to provide you and your family comfort as you continue on your grief journey, as it is a journey, with many peaks and valleys and twists and turns. No two grief journeys are alike, and I wish all of you comfort as you set out on yours. One thing I know for certain, and has provided me comfort during my times of grief, is that love lives on. You will always love that person and that person will always love you. You are forever connected.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Prayers and condolences to you and your family. I understand, I loss my dad to sudden illness on Nov 22 of this year. God is the gift giver of life and I rejoice in the days and precious moments I had with my dad. God bless you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  40. Prayers and condolences to you and your family. I understand, I loss my dad to sudden illness on Nov 22 of this year. God is the gift giver of life and I rejoice in the days and precious moments I had with my dad. God bless you and your family.

    ReplyDelete
  41. Friend. I'm so sorry for your loss.
    I remember the kindness you offered to my cousin when they lost their 5 year old a few years ago. I will NEVER forget that. It breaks my heart that you're on the other side of this now.
    Praying for peace to all of you. Praying for the kind of love that softens all the edges.
    Much love to you.

    ReplyDelete
  42. Sara,

    I am not sure how I missed this post but I wanted to express my sincerest and heartfelt loss for your whole family. I simply cannot imagine the pain you all have and still are experiencing. A dear friend of mine has a son who passed away in a drowning at about the same age and they too only got through it by completely turning to God and His word. Her blog where she has written about it is http://homes1ck.blogspot.com in case you want to read or pass it on to your family. hugs and prayers,
    Kim

    ReplyDelete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
 

© 2010. All Rights Reserved. | Custom Blog Design By Penny Lane Designs